My major PMS Meltdown......

Yesterday started off innocently enough - got the kids off to school, gathered evidence to convict Senior Koukette for her serial offending, did some housework, gathered up my books, drove to Uni for my Maths Lecture.  God I hate this class, in fact I think I would rather give birth again than endure it - ok well perhaps giving birth is a slight exaggeration but I still hate it! 

Sat for 10 minutes or so chatting to my study buddy next to me on how we really need to stop taking bottles of wine to study group, open notes from previous lecture......wait for Professor to enter the room.   Only our normal Professor does not show up - enter Madam Professor from hell!!  This woman could easily be a Macho Lesbian Dominatrix in another life.  She begins by interrogating us on what we should know and says this 'class will be review' - oh God instant panic!

Where is my normal Professor?  He knows I suck massively at Maths and never asks me questions, I have always sucked at Maths!  I have been going to all the trouble of bringing him in cupcakes every Thursday for morning tea in the hope I might scrape a pass not to be rewarded with Miss Dom Professor.  

She stands there; arms crossed just staring at us all, how the fuck is her angry silence going to create a pleasant atmosphere of learning I think to myself.  She begins with 'Right let’s review the quantitative methods quickly, I want to get onto the good stuff!"  Good stuff?  Good stuff is a bottle of wine with friends, chocolate covered strawberries and bubble baths, not discussing the effects of Pythagorean Theory on Business Statistics - what kind of fucking monster are you to call this good stuff?

I was now slightly agitated.  I knew I was in the midst of PMS, it had been creeping up on me over the past week.  I cried last week in both Packed to the Rafters and Winner and Losers, so my PMS radar was on alert.  I got stuck in a traffic jam on the way here, listened to Lord Koukou's whinging on the phone about why he has to take the kids to swimming every Thursday, could not find a car park & had to park in the $5 section (pissed!) all while stressing I was going to break down because I was to slack to stop and put in petrol.  I was hoping to ask my Professor about our upcoming exam that I am having major anxiety attacks about, he promised me we would chat today! 

She looked around the room for her first victim, my eyes went straight to the floor, avoid eye contact and she can't see you!  My tactic did not work "So explain to us the scope and limitations of statistical inference and its proper role in the process of investigation" she said to me.  She may as well have been speaking in Japanese; I had no bloody idea, I SUCK AT MATHS and rely on cupcakes to get me through.

I sat there, could feel my eyes start to well up, grabbed my books and like any mature age student suffering PMS walked out of the class. 

Putting my sunglasses on to hide my tears I quickly walked to my car - and cried!  Yes as Oprah refers to it - the Ugly Cry, where your face contorts and your nostrils flare, snot drips from your nose, you don't have a tissue so your sleeve will do and you feel like it is the worst day ever.  As I approached my car I just had tears and a sniffle, as soon as I opened the car door let the flood gates open! 

It's ok Britney I'm hearing ya!

I sat in my car for 10 minutes wailing, cursing the hell out of PMS, the dreaded monthly and why the hell I was born female.  Get a grip I am nearly into my Naughty 40’s for God sake, the most exhilarating sexual decade of my life is just around the corner, I have everything to look forward to!

I grabbed my mobile and rung Lord Koukou telling him I had left my class.  He asked why I was crying to which I replied "because I suck at Maths, no-one helps me, I am tired, you all whinge, I have to do everything around here and I just need to be left alone right now".  Yep I have that PMS line perfected!  His simple male reply was "Oh ok then see you at home"  Grrrr inconsiderate Ass!!

I pulled out of the car park, stopped at the Petrol Station to fill up my car and bought a huge block of Chocolate that I managed to stuff into my mouth amongst my sniffling.  I thought the man in the Petrol Station would have asked if I was ok, but no he was just concerned I was not going to do a drive off and watched me like a hawk.  At a $1.44 a litre it did cross my mind!  This leads me to ask “What the Hell is our Petrol Ombusman doing - geez I was sucked in AGAIN?"

I took the extra-long way home, sat in my driveway for 10 minutes, got out and went inside still feeling sorry for myself. Lord Koukou then sent me a text which read "honey since you have had a bad day, I will hang around, wait for the kids to finish and take them out for some dinner.  See you around 8".  To which I cried again because he was being unusually thoughtful.

By the time they got home I felt so much better.  I was probably looking a shocker with my puffy red eyes and I had my best croaky voice on for sympathy, but wow I really needed that cry! 

See you next month PMS!!

Lady Koukou x

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