Parenting Style - Fairies, cotton candy & pink flying unicorns

I had a date yesterday with a girlfriend of mine I have known for years, for the sake of this post I will refer to her as Mrs H! If I could do a drive by at the Koukettes school to get them dropped faster then that's what I would do to get there.  I adore her to bits and we are polar opposites in most ways possible which leads to a fantastic debate.

• Mrs H is a gym freak and had skinny soy latte with banana bread, I am a slovenly couch potato who had the biggest slice of Devils's mudcake with whipped cream on the side and a full fat latte - hear that Mrs H FULL FAT!!
• she is anal when it comes to housework - serious contender for the Stepford Wives Club!  I on the other hand am a serious housewife fraud - if I can stuff it in a cupboard then that is what I will do
• I swear Mrs H is looking for a guest spot on Better Homes and Gardens she is a gifted green thumb - I am a murderer!  Do not ask me to Plant Sit you will come home to a guaranteed execution of plant proportion

One of our major differences is our style of parenting, she has been tapped with the wand of the Helicopter Parent - constantly swooping down on her children and protecting them from the first whiff of trouble. 

 I on the other hand usually watch from afar and then pick up the pieces when things have not quite gone to plan.  Why?  Because I like my children to understand the feeling of disappointment and I will not make excuses for them.

Yesterday Mrs H was telling me about an interview she had with her son's teacher, he is in Year 7.  He failed to hand in an assignment on time and was therefore given an F.  My reply amongst stuffing my face with mudcake 'fair enough then'.  Mrs H shook her head (serious defence bells ringing)  and went on to make excuses for why her son did not hand in the assignment.  Why are you defending him to me? I thought.  He had poor time management, was lazy and therefore failed - all made perfect sense why he received an F in my head.

I had an Aunty growing up who lived in a world of fairies, cotton candy and pink flying unicorns when it come to her children.  Everything was 'wonderful darling' and the 'girls are amazing!'.  Ah correction they were not wonderful and they were not amazing.....they needed the excuses to stop and those blinkers to come off.  I often wonder if perhaps things in there adult life may of been a little different if they were taken out of Fairy Tale Land and someone gave them a smack of reality.

So I have to ask - why are parents so afraid of their children feeling disappointment and failing?  Am I a bad parent for not protecting my children from feeling these emotions?  I do not by any means think I am the greatest gift to parenting - God knows I am not.  I just will not allow myself to make excuses for my children and will focus on finding a solution rather than making excuses for their behavior.  

Senior Koukette got into my car last week in tears after she was just berated by her Squad Coach.  On all accounts he does forget sometimes she is a 14 year old girl with hormones sometimes out of control, but last week he gave it to her both barrels.  Why?  Because she was not putting in 100% in training and was lazy.  He got her out of the pool, told her she was training like a donkey & get changed as she was wasting his time being there.  She understood where he was coming from and was disappointed in her efforts - we chatted about how she was feeling but I will not make an excuse because I also agree she has a lazy streak and sometimes needs a good kick up the bum.

Mrs H when I told her yesterday was mortified I left this situation at this, replying if that was her she would of been there on pool deck having a go back at the coach.  But why I thought?  She was lazy, Senior Koukette acknowledged this in herself and adjusted her training and attitude the next night.  I did not feel the need to have to step in.  Yes there probably was a better way her coach could of handled the situation than for her to be in tears but it had the desired result.  Her tears were more about the disappointment she had for her own efforts rather than anything her coach said.

I do not see my children failing or getting into trouble at school or swimming as a direct result of my parenting style.  I see it as a learning curve for them, it builds character and teaching them a life lesson - afterall not everything in this world is cotton candy and pink flying unicorns.  I hope it also teaches them that disappointment in themselves and failure at something can lead to success, you just need to pick yourself up, hold your head high and work that little bit harder.

Who knows if I am adopting the right approach time will tell on that one I guess.  There is no parenting manual to follow step by step, I can just continue to follow my gut, cross my fingers......... and eat lots more mudcake on the journey!