Are Family Stickers breeding?

Is there an island off India breeding Happy Little Sticker People?  Or am I the only one feeling like they are taking over Australia?

It does not matter what car I drive behind lately there is a little happy sticker family smiling straight back at me.  Even the animals smiling!!  Surely these stickers can't be actual portrayals of the family inside.  God knows when the Koukette Family get in the car together it can be far from a happy, joyful experience.

I have often looked admiringly at others cars who have taken the time to celebrate their families and add a dorky little sticker to the back of their cars.  I have not fallen victim to this for the following reasons:-

•  I try my best to escape my own family and do not want a reminder of them on the back of my car
•  I am proud of the fact I still have my memory in tact and do not need a sticker on my car to act as a roll call. 

So with this in mind I got to thinking if we were to have a sticker familiy what would we have that would be a correct description of our family?

Lord Koukou would need to have a male sticker sitting or lying on a couch, TV remote attached to one hand while the other was half way down his pants asking how long dinner was

Senior Koukette would need to have an Ipod deafening her ears, Laptop at her fingers, X-Box remote in her hand all while attempting to do her homework - and she is not smiling, she is snarling & trying to look as miserable as possible (she is 14, you remember those times when every where is better than your house!)

Junior Koukette would need to have I-Phone in one ear, Prada Bag in one hand, hair straightener in the other while asking someone for their take on the Big Bang Theory

As for Lady Koukette - well there is just not one sticker that would do me justice.  I would need one with an i-phone in one hand, laptop resting on a bench checking emails whilst cooking dinner over a moveable hotplate in the back of my taxi as I drop off one of the Koukettes.

Do they have stickers like that?

Yes as you can see we are not afraid to take on life's greatest challenges and questions here!

Who's up for a bit of furniture Porn?

I have mentioned before in my PMS Meltdown Post that 40 is FAST approaching.  When I first turned 30 I remember thinking 'Oh God let this decade go at a snails pace"  as usual he was not listening and now it is around the corner.  But I figure it can't be all bad, there must be a reason it is referred to as the Naughty 40's?  If nothing else I am looking forward to a decade of explosive sex so it fully lives up to the name. 

Are you listening Lord Koukou?  EXPLOSIVE.....MIND BLOWING.......TOE CURLING!

Anyway moving on......

As much as I still feel like a early twenty something in my mind, certain things I do paint another story.  Such as:-

• Underwear is now chosen for comfort, with a nice cotton being the fabric of choice. The only exception being Date Nights then I whip out a little lace number.  I may be appoaching 40 but I can still be a sexy little minx like that.  It usually goes unnoticed by Lord Koukou because he comes home from date night and falls asleep on the couch, but at least I know should he have a frisky moment I am prepared
• I discovered my first grey eyebrow hair, yep eyebrow hair!!  2 weeks ago - aaarrrrgghhhhh!  Could not get the tweezers onto that little sucker fast enough - perhaps I am aging like my father?  God if I get hair on my ears it will be disastrous!
• I find myself saying more and more "I don't care what happens in other peoples houses....while you are under my roof you will do as I say" dear God I am turning into my mother!
• nothing seems to be heading north anymore - gravity is starting to take hold & FAST
• I am now looking closely at some wrinkles starting to appear and wonder if I should consider crossing to the dark side and having my face injected with some kind of anti freeze like Alex Perry
• 11pm in now what I refer to as a late night, especially on a school night
• I know longer bounce out of bed at 6.30am, there are lots of moans and groans thrown in & snooze is hit multiple times
• I find I can take the complete piss out of myself and not taking myself and life so seriously
• I still don't know 100% what I want to do with myself when I grow up and suspect I will ask myself this question for years to come
• the Koukettes and Lord Koukette have recently added a shopping list to the fridge door that they add to - they simply don't believe me when I tell them my memory is not bad I am just not interested in what you think we need

But THE main reason I know 40 is just around the corner is when I refer to the Ikea Catalogue as Furniture Porn!!

I get as excited about the Ikea Catalogue hitting my letter box as I bet my brother did when his eyes saw the middle spread of a Playboy magazine for the first time as a young boy.

Yesterday I got my moment of near Climax when in my letterbox there it was, all wrapped in plastic and sitting there waiting to be opened and explored.  I got my little slice of porn brought it inside, made myself a cup of tea and looked at all the pretty pictures of the happy little Swedish people in there Happy little super organised Swedish houses.

My list of wants from Ikea is now a page long, but I will wait and one by one slowly add them to the house to avoid the watchful eye of Lord Koukou.

Here's to Furniture Porn and turning 40!

Saw this ad for the Genie Bra and instantly thought of you!

My Mum had always been a kind thoughtful lady, willing to always help others and offer opinions when asked.  My Mum has also had cancer knock on her door twice and come through the other side with flying colours!

One of the results of Mum's flirt with cancer is that she has learnt free speech, and pretty much tells it like it is to anyone who wants to listen.  If you want an answer on a subject Mum is the person to ask, not to much is sugar coated these days. 

May I present to you an email I received this morning from my dear Mum.....


Morning,

Its Mum (yes Mum I know its you the email address was a dead give away!), hope the girls are fine? ( Lord Koukou and I are just as fine thanks for asking!)

Was watching TV last night with Dad, saw this ad come on and told Dad to remind me to send you the information. (oh great so now you and Dad are both discussing gravity taking hold on my boobs over a cup of tea and a little late night TV?)  When I saw you last I thought you could probably do with a little extra support in the booby area.

I remembered how you showed me to insert a picture and a link so go and have a look ( note to self - do not teach anymore cyber technology to parents)

http://www.geniebra.com/ 

It said on the ad and their website - No more back fat or top bulging, thats why I thought of you.  They are also having a special right now, buy 2 get 2 free.

Just thought you might be interested, let me know how you go.  If they are any good I might buy some but I will wait for your comments first (yep tight ass to the end - get some poor other sucker to buy it first then jump on the band wagon!)

Love Mum



BAMMMM!! Did you get hit with the same sledge hammer in the forehead I did when I read this?  Got to love a free speaking woman in her 60's who has learnt to tell it like it is - I love you to Mum xx

A Koukou Palace Mastercard Moment

1. Payment of household bills on Saturday morning to the smiley, happy people at the Post Office: $610
2. Grocery shopping at Coles where apparently Down! Down! Prices are down? Perhaps in everyone elses trolley? - $295
3. Outfitting Senior Koukette for her Year 9 Bear Grilles experience, complete waste of money but I am told 9 days in the bush is valuable in her development?  - $325
4. Present, new dress & dinner for Junior Koukette on Saturday night - $90
5. Little something for Lord Koukou to continue to feel loved for Fathers Day - $30 (tight ass right! its the thought that counts - right? RIGHT?)
6. Fathers Day lunch yesterday - $125

Seeing the look of complete shock and horror on Lord Koukou's face when I told him we had just spent $1,475 on a whole bunch of meaningless shit - PRICELESS!!

This week I am grateful for photos

With Fathers Day approaching tomorrow I was inspired this week to look at all my old photo's of my children with my Dad.  There are so many memories contained in those photos, some have made me cry, some have made me laugh, but most of all I am grateful for the memories they have given me.

This photo is one of my favourites.  My parents live interstate so we try to visit as much as we can.  Every time when the girls were little they used to LOVE going for rides on Poppy's back.  It did not matter to Dad he had to visit the Chiropracter for weeks after they still got their rides around and around the loungeroom.

Such a simple picture but brings a smile to my face. 

Thanks Dad - I love you xx

http://thebeetleshack.blogspot.com/2011/09/grateful-for-dads.html

My major PMS Meltdown......

Yesterday started off innocently enough - got the kids off to school, gathered evidence to convict Senior Koukette for her serial offending, did some housework, gathered up my books, drove to Uni for my Maths Lecture.  God I hate this class, in fact I think I would rather give birth again than endure it - ok well perhaps giving birth is a slight exaggeration but I still hate it! 

Sat for 10 minutes or so chatting to my study buddy next to me on how we really need to stop taking bottles of wine to study group, open notes from previous lecture......wait for Professor to enter the room.   Only our normal Professor does not show up - enter Madam Professor from hell!!  This woman could easily be a Macho Lesbian Dominatrix in another life.  She begins by interrogating us on what we should know and says this 'class will be review' - oh God instant panic!

Where is my normal Professor?  He knows I suck massively at Maths and never asks me questions, I have always sucked at Maths!  I have been going to all the trouble of bringing him in cupcakes every Thursday for morning tea in the hope I might scrape a pass not to be rewarded with Miss Dom Professor.  

She stands there; arms crossed just staring at us all, how the fuck is her angry silence going to create a pleasant atmosphere of learning I think to myself.  She begins with 'Right let’s review the quantitative methods quickly, I want to get onto the good stuff!"  Good stuff?  Good stuff is a bottle of wine with friends, chocolate covered strawberries and bubble baths, not discussing the effects of Pythagorean Theory on Business Statistics - what kind of fucking monster are you to call this good stuff?

I was now slightly agitated.  I knew I was in the midst of PMS, it had been creeping up on me over the past week.  I cried last week in both Packed to the Rafters and Winner and Losers, so my PMS radar was on alert.  I got stuck in a traffic jam on the way here, listened to Lord Koukou's whinging on the phone about why he has to take the kids to swimming every Thursday, could not find a car park & had to park in the $5 section (pissed!) all while stressing I was going to break down because I was to slack to stop and put in petrol.  I was hoping to ask my Professor about our upcoming exam that I am having major anxiety attacks about, he promised me we would chat today! 

She looked around the room for her first victim, my eyes went straight to the floor, avoid eye contact and she can't see you!  My tactic did not work "So explain to us the scope and limitations of statistical inference and its proper role in the process of investigation" she said to me.  She may as well have been speaking in Japanese; I had no bloody idea, I SUCK AT MATHS and rely on cupcakes to get me through.

I sat there, could feel my eyes start to well up, grabbed my books and like any mature age student suffering PMS walked out of the class. 

Putting my sunglasses on to hide my tears I quickly walked to my car - and cried!  Yes as Oprah refers to it - the Ugly Cry, where your face contorts and your nostrils flare, snot drips from your nose, you don't have a tissue so your sleeve will do and you feel like it is the worst day ever.  As I approached my car I just had tears and a sniffle, as soon as I opened the car door let the flood gates open! 

It's ok Britney I'm hearing ya!

I sat in my car for 10 minutes wailing, cursing the hell out of PMS, the dreaded monthly and why the hell I was born female.  Get a grip I am nearly into my Naughty 40’s for God sake, the most exhilarating sexual decade of my life is just around the corner, I have everything to look forward to!

I grabbed my mobile and rung Lord Koukou telling him I had left my class.  He asked why I was crying to which I replied "because I suck at Maths, no-one helps me, I am tired, you all whinge, I have to do everything around here and I just need to be left alone right now".  Yep I have that PMS line perfected!  His simple male reply was "Oh ok then see you at home"  Grrrr inconsiderate Ass!!

I pulled out of the car park, stopped at the Petrol Station to fill up my car and bought a huge block of Chocolate that I managed to stuff into my mouth amongst my sniffling.  I thought the man in the Petrol Station would have asked if I was ok, but no he was just concerned I was not going to do a drive off and watched me like a hawk.  At a $1.44 a litre it did cross my mind!  This leads me to ask “What the Hell is our Petrol Ombusman doing - geez I was sucked in AGAIN?"

I took the extra-long way home, sat in my driveway for 10 minutes, got out and went inside still feeling sorry for myself. Lord Koukou then sent me a text which read "honey since you have had a bad day, I will hang around, wait for the kids to finish and take them out for some dinner.  See you around 8".  To which I cried again because he was being unusually thoughtful.

By the time they got home I felt so much better.  I was probably looking a shocker with my puffy red eyes and I had my best croaky voice on for sympathy, but wow I really needed that cry! 

See you next month PMS!!

Lady Koukou x

http://www.wheresmyglow.com/

This is part of Flog your Blog Friday

No Senior Koukette the 'Slum Pit' is not clean!!!

Every morning we go through the same routine, by me asking both Koukette's to make sure their rooms are tidy before we walk out the door for the school run.  Every morning I get the same moans and groans and assurance they are done.  I never need to remind Junior Koukette her room is sparkling.

Senior Koukette on the other hand is a serial offender!  I am convinced when I say 'clean your room' in her head that means 'sit on my bed and do Jack shit for 10 mins'.  Today I have gathered evidence - welcome to what we lovingly call here at Koukou Palace the "Slum Pit" - warning to all readers please place the gas masks on now!




"OMG Mum what is your problem I made my bed!!" - ah sorry Senior Koukette but no you didn't!!



"Geez relax Mum I put my dirty washing in the hamper!" - oh silly me, did you mean the other dirty washing that you left lying on the bathroom floor?

"No the X Box is not in my bedroom" - really Senior Koukette?  REALLY?

"No I have not been eating food in my room - what do you think I am lying?" - ah yes safe assumption!!
 I bet this is where that fucking feral smell is coming from.

"Why do you go on, do you like the sound of your own voice?  I took down that Poster that freaks you out!"  No Senior Koukette it was not the other one - you know which one it is!! And it is still HERE!!

So there you have it Senior Koukette, evidence, evidence, evidence!!  No fooling this little black duck - and on that note feeling rather proud of myself I am going to have a cup of tea and enjoy some sunshine.

Cheers to the joys of raising teenagers!

Lady Koukou x