OMG World Breaking News!!!! Stop the fucking Press!!!!

Rest easy those with money way to much money in Shares - America has not defaulted on its debts and sending the world economy completely bankrupt!  According to Lord Koukou I am doing that from the comforts of my couch.

Sorry to disappoint but the lead story on the morning news here in Melbourne was not that Julia Gillard had bowed to public demand and finally legalised Gay Marriage - sit back in your box Katter and readjust that comb over!!

And nope it was not announced that The King is really alive and living in Barbados!  Sorry Dad......

Far more importantly than all of the above was the lead off story that............brace yourselves people the world will never be the same again!!

Beyonce is pregnant!! 

Yep you heard me correctly!!  Who needs a lead story on World Peace efforts in Libya, the truth about Carbon Tax, effects on London after all the riots - that is all meaningless garbage compared to this ground breaking, historic piece of journalism.

Thanks Channel 9 I can now go about my days work so much more content knowing Beyonce is pregnant - Tossers!!

When did we allow life to get so dam serious?

As much as I promised myself I would attempt to keep my blog light hearted and create as much humour as my little old mind would allow there are certain issues that attract my attention. 

Qantas held a competition for two lucky Wallaby fans to attend Saturday nights Bledisloe Cup on the condition they dressed up as their favourite player Radike Samo.  Harmless Fun right?  Great effort I thought!  Boy was I so wrong! 

It seems this sparked a public twitter outcry when Qantas tweeted:-  "Looks like our Twitter winners of the Bledisloe Cup tix lived up to their promise! Good work," - seems all the do-gooders in society took offence to this marketing stunt by Qantas and labelled it Racist.  Qantas bowing to public pressure removed the Tweet and issued a public apology.

Seems the only person who did not have an issue with this was Radike Samo.  Who said "I didn't have an issue with it at all ... I don't know why anyone's getting worked up, that sort of reaction is just silly."

Relax People's, take a chill pill society do gooders!  Media hype as usual has carried on with the story and suddenly again Political Correctness has gone mad!!  They are not carrying racist slogans, they are not carrying signs that say racist remarks, they are having fun!  Innocent fun!  Remember FUN world?  Look at things in context and stop being so bloody sterile!!

So I have to ask - When did we allow life to get so dam serious?

 

Lady Koukou x

Dear God, Yahweh, Allah, Krishna and anyone else who wants to listen!

My Junior Koukette has an assignment due for school next week and being the great caring mother I am (truth be known I couldn't be shagged cleaning the skiddy's off the toilet) have been helping her.  The question is "If you got to ask God 10 questions what would they be?", my instant thought was "Oh fuck so we can only ask him 10?"   Even thought my parents tried their hardest to raise and educate me like a good little Catholic girl sometimes I struggle with this whole Relgious thing,  - the last time we went to church was 2 years ago,as you can see I have been blessed with the odd Potty Mouth and sometimes my halo needs serious readjusting on the nights I try to party like an 18 year old again.

Nonetheless I helped Junior Koukette with her questions whilst I was thinking of how my assignment would have gone:-


Dear God, Yahweh, Allah, Krishna or anyone else who feels like listening,

It’s been a while since I have spoken to you, so I guess that's why you have chosen to ignore my requests lately!!  I have had some questions on my mind and am wondering if you can clear them up when you are not off performing miracles or trying to convince Tim that red is really not the best hair colour for Julia!

Anyway here I go:-

1.       Why is my left breast larger than my right breast? But my right foot is larger than my left foot?  Is it just because you made me special that way?

2.       WTF has happened to Shane Warne?  Is he being punished for crimes in a previous life?

3.       Why didn't you put me in the same line as Miranda Kerr when you were handing out bodies?  I know the multitude of chocolate & lack of exercise on my behalf has not helped so you are not entirely to blame – but natural genes would of been helpful?

4.       Why haven’t I won 1^st division in Tattslotto yet?  I have been asking for a LONG time and I really thought you might of granted that wish by now

5.       If you could remind me with perhaps a quick lightning strike up my ass every time I use the phrase “I don’t care what other kids are allowed to do” or “wait til your father gets home” – I promised myself I would try not to sound like my mother when I become a parent and I am failing!!

6.       Please give the inventor of pre-mixed alcohol drinks like Bacardi Breezers a bonus 10 years?  They make me life so much easier, especially when I am using them as a chaser to wine!

7.       Can you please tell me why my Grade 4 Teacher Sister Catherine had a constant snot dribble hanging off the end of her nose? I have always wondered the answer to that one

8.       I am still waiting for messagesforgod.com.au – not sure if you have noticed but your popularity really sucks right now with Gen Y!  Contact the people at Apple I am sure they could organise an App with a direct link to the Big House

9.       Not sure if you are aware but our current Prime Minister stabbed our old Prime Minister in the back and lied on National Television that he had her total support – just thought I would point that one out in case you had missed it.  Does that mean she goes to visit the man with the Pitchfork? 

10.   PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Can St.Kilda win a premiership before my time on this earth is over?  The wait alone will kill me before you decide my time is up!  Also I have noted Brendan Fevola has been kicking a lot of goals lately – please do not punish me for things I have done over the year and send him to St Kilda!!  Just quietly I don’t think it would be in anyone’s best interests for Fevola and Milney to have too much time together if you know what I mean J

11.   There are a lot of people down here on earth who have too much money, too much power and are way to selfish!  Fucking tight asses (ooooops sorry about that!) you might want to do something about that.  No rush but I wouldn’t leave it to long it I were you, the beasts are getting restless and will start printing more money!!

I think that is pretty much it for one week but thanks for listening can’t wait for your reply - A hand written letter would be nice & if you could manage Javier Bardem to drop it off well that would confirm for me once and for all you are real.  Be back soon with some more questions xx

This week I am grateful for Getting Lost

http://maxabellaloves.blogspot.com/2011/08/this-week-im-grateful-for-play-dates.html

My Bestie and I set off this week to find this great little gift shop we had heard about high in the hills in the Dandenong Ranges.  Unfortunately we took the wrong turn somewhere along the way because we were to busy gas bagging and not paying enough attention to Molly the Navgirl.

After taking to many wrong turns we ended up at Lysterfield Lake on a beautiful near Spring Day.  Not wanting to drive anymore we just sat by the Lake for 2 hours and laughed, chatted and layed together in the Sun.  No kids, no husbands, no noise and just our company.

So this week I am ever so grateful for getting lost and rediscovering why she is my bestie.

Positions for Safe Sex!

Those that know me well will know I struggle not to comment on most things!  I tend to belly ache and protest for most things I can't really make a difference on.  I promised myself I would try not to discuss two things on my blog - Religion & Politics - two great social dividers.

So whilst I am trying hard not to do a post on Carbon Tax, Legalising Gay Marriage or the effects of the Gillard Government I will leave you with a hilarious video by Steven Fry who is joined by some friends to demonstrate safe sex positions!

Afterall Sex and Politics have some things in common,

Lady Koukou x

Three Little Words - R U OK?

I would like you all to meet Lori today and her story.  Lori is a stay at home, to two little cherubs much like myself really.  One afternoon Lori's husband come home from work and committed suicide, in that instant Lori's world would change forever.  Her blog is both heartbreaking and fascinating as Lori tackles life after the death of her husband.  Her strength and honesty is enlightening and I myself wish her a lifetime of health, love and eventual happiness.

My mother in law has suffered chronic depression most of her adult life so this has a special meaning to myself and one I will be participating in.  Thursday 15 September, 2011 is R U OK? Day. It’s a national day of action which aims to prevent suicide by encouraging Australians to connect with someone they care about and help stop little problems turning into big ones.

On that day it would be great if everyone across the country, from all backgrounds and walks of life, asked family, friends and colleagues: "Are you OK?".

This is the link to Lori's blog for any and all other information:-

http://www.rrsahm.com/2011/08/ruok-part-two.html

And remember on September 15th to ask someone R U OK? - three simple words that could mean the world to one person.

Lady Koukou x

Dear Mr Volvo driver.....

* Warning to readers - due to the frustration of this subject please excuse all language contained with-in *

So I have to ask - is it a requirement of all Volvo Drivers that when they purchase their vehicles they also receive a frontal labotomy?  Or am I the only person on the face of the planet that has frustration with a capital F everytime I seem to get behind a Volvo Driver?

The reason I ask this question is because as I was driving yesterday to drop off Senior Koukette at one pool & manage to get myself across to the other pool to dump Junior Koukette we get behind a Volvo Driver.  Now I do not have lots of time in between drop-offs & my routine is like a well oiled machine....obviously unlike the life of a bloody Volvo driver!!  As my frustration was reaching fever point I realised that every Volvo driver I seem to get behind is the same, there are road rules for Volvo drivers then there are the road rules for everyone else.

You know the ones....you stop at the traffic lights, they turn green and for everyone else that means GO!!  Who fricken knows what green means to a Volvo driver because it does not mean GO.  It seems to mean I will sit here for as long as I like day dreaming, while the crazy, psychopathic woman behind me continues to go red in the face, punching her steering wheel and abusing me.  I know you can see me in your rear vision mirror and yet you continue to sit there like you are the only one on the God Dam road!!

So I have to ask you Volvo Drivers :-

• Why does the speed sign say 80 for everyone else but in your head it says 40?
• Why do you insist on putting a manky old hat on the back window of your car?
• Why does the fucking green light not mean green to you, and then you remember to move when it is on Amber?
• Why does everyone else have to indicate but you think you above that and like to keep all other drivers guessing which way you are turning

I think all car manufacturers should install a "Volvo Driver Alert Button".  Instead of my horn just tooting it allows my car to yell out inbuilt profanities reserved only for Volvo Drivers.

Like:-

• If you don't move your car I will ram that manky old hat up your ass
• THE LIGHT IS GREEN - MMMMMOOOOOVVVE!!
• For fuck sake are you fricken blind?
• The Speed limit it 80 not 40!!
• Obnoxious, selfish Driver in front - MMMMMOOOOVVVVE
• Oh feel free to take your time I have all fucking day!

Now I am not condoning road rage of any kind.  But the next time I get behind a Volvo Driver I am going to sit there, hand ready on my horn and hope to God it does more than just toot!

"Does anyone else find Volvo Drivers seem to think they have Road Rules reserved just for them?"

Lady Koukou x